I am really thankful. Really thankful for Jesus and that he has reconciled me to the Father. That he wants to & is changing me into a person more like himself. That I'm married to an incredibly selfless, tree climbing, and Jesus loving man. That I'm growing in gentleness and love for my kids - by God's grace! I'm thankful for this crazy journey - telling people about how Jesus has radically changed my heart and how it's good news that he can change their hearts as well! I'm thankful that we get to love on students and that some actually want to hang out with me! I'm thankful for Jesus' church and how they can love, serve, and encourage me - sometimes getting nothing in return - because they have a perfect example of selfless love, service, and encouragement in Jesus. I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit, that he can lead me everyday - showing me what loving him and others actually looks like practically in the chaos of everyday life. I am really thankful.
The Lord is my shepherd; {He cares for me, delights in me, leads me} -His leading is good, better than mine, he has a grander picture in mind - I shall not want. {He gives and supplies me with everything I need} -If I am thankful, everything I need that is supplied, eclipses anything I could want- He makes me lie down in green pastures. {Drives me, Forces me into PEACE} -His is the perfect Father and knows I can rest when I submit to his plan- He leads me beside still waters. {Takes me to beauty, rest, peace, quiet of soul} -Even though circumstances are chaotic, the state of my heart can be peace through Him} He restores my soul. {Brings me back to normal condition, use, health, soundness, vigor} -I don't have to fight to come to a place of "health" on my own, HE heals me} He leads me in paths of righteousness for his names sake. {Makes me more like Christ for his glory} -I can rest in his grace, his love of me in my process- Yep, here it is. The post I don't want to publish. Probably because it has a lot to do with my insecurities, wanting other's approval, and finding significance in both of those things. But the Holy Spirit brought this to my mind a few weeks ago and told me to publish it. Today I am enjoying a little time away from my family and sat down to write. Nothing was coming to me and so I prayed that the Spirit would lead me to something. Then he reminded me of this. So here goes nothing. I have had planter warts on my feet for the last four years. I also had warts on my feet growing up but they all went away after treatment. These current suckers have not let go and to be honest, I feel disgusting, annoyed, and sometimes really angry that my feet would have these on them. I try to hide them from others, I try to get them treated (and they still don't leave), and I try to (excuse these graphic words) rip them out of my own feet by pretty much doing my own form of surgery. And we did. Eat them, that is. My mom sent Siena money for Valentine's Day to go to a specialty cupcake shop in La Jolla. We took that as an opportunity to take Siena on a special date with Mama and Daddy. It was SO fun. We enjoyed cupcakes together, lots of chocolatey goodness for Siena and I and vanilla for Chris. Siena mentioned a few months prior that she wanted to go on a boat ride. I found a groupon for a big Showboat style cruise around Mission Bay and jumped on it. After the cupcakes we took her on the "cruise." It was so much fun to spend time with our big girl! Thank you Mom!! In my own self approved world, I want to be able to say that I have listened perfectly, cared perfectly, encouraged perfectly for every friend. When I fail often, because I am NOT perfect, a cloud of anxiety, condemnation, and guilt makes its way over my heart. This cloud is dense and thick and makes it super hard to distinguish the Holy Spirit's conviction from the condemning lies from Satan.
So, I cry out. JESUS. Let me hear your voice! Speak louder! Remove the cloud of lies from my heart. Remind me of the truth! And thankfully, because he is good, he does. He reminds me that he never fails my friends even though I do. He listens to them and cares about every word they say. He encourages them back to remembering the truth even when I fail to courageously speak it. He cares for their hearts in ways that I never can. I cannot be the perfect friend. But Jesus is. Show us our sin clearly Jesus so that we see your amazing sinlessness and the glory that you deserve. Help us to stop trying to control things so that other people give us glory instead of giving it to you, the only deserving one. I am an imperfect friend. You, Jesus are the perfect friend. As a church body we gather each Sunday. This Sunday's gathering was a sweet time of being a family, hearing my good friend Christine's story, learning from 2Corinthians, and praising Jesus. I got to share my heart with the ladies during the gathering too which was such a sweet blessing. You can listen to Christine's story, what God's been teaching me about being controlled by the love of Christ, or the sermon by clicking on any of the links. Here are a few pictures from the day! I am super excited to start pouring out my heart again through writing! |
The KnightsWe are a family of five living in San Diego. Our days are spent loving God, our family, the local church, and friends we've been blessed to meet around SD. Archives
September 2014
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